I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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