What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
