wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
