Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
