everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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