He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
