Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
