You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize