If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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