There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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