guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Only a mothe r could love this liver
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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