my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
