in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
