she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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