I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
