Your face is a jimmy john
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
