FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
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Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
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I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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