please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
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Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That accounts for only three of the penises
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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