so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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