Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
