I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He passed out mid-signature
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
