Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
