I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
