Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
