I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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