I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
