we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I want to be your penis for a week.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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