If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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