Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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