for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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