i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
