i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
