S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
