i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
