no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I need to calm my uterus...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
