I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
high people should be assigned attendants
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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