I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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