I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize