Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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