You're my little dorito
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
