Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
