the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
