I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
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