I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
