is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
