i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
