i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
