I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just invented taco cereal.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
