It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
