I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
