Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
