Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
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