This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
