she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
