I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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