do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
