you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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