I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
