yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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