Well apparently he's into motor boating.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
