So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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