I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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