Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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