I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
