he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
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