I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
