Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
