I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
