Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
420 ftw
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm like, not good at living.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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