I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
