I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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